Friday, May 2, 2008

Geriatric Laughs

This came from Bing C-H.

Dai pa man garo kita arog kaini ano? Although I can relate with the third one. There was a time when I wanted to borrow the cellphone of my nephew's wife so I can upload the pictures she took into my computer. She went out of their room to go to the bathroom. I couldn't call her. Blanko bigla, I can't remember her name. Until she went out of the bathroom and returned to their room, I wasn't able to call her.

I had my worse senior moments though - I wanted to withdraw some money but left after getting back my ATM card and without waiting for the money to come out of the machine. This happened twice. Luckily, the third time, I still heard the sound of the machine when I turned my back. So I hurriedly went back to get the money.

Twice, I also experienced forgetting my PIN number after inserting my ATM card into the machine. Once, my card was blocked because I entered the wrong PIN number thrice.....

But while I tend to be forgetful, I can still develop some MS Access programs at my age. So, dai pa man garo Alz... memory gap pa lang.

An elderly gentleman... had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
"Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
"I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a new born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen . The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!
"Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Do I know her?"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

"A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

One more. . !

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

It's never worthwhile,Pack up your troubles in your old kitbag,And smile, smile, smile!
George Asaf


Daet Parochial School Class 67 said...

Talking about getting older, just last night, I had a scare of my life - I asked my wife to call 911 because I thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. After my daily workout which consist of one hour walk on my treadmill at a pace of 3 miles per hr (about 3.5miles) and sit-ups and some weightlifting, I got dizzy. Initially, I did not not make a big deal out of it thinking it could be caused by some other things like vertigo. But when the dizziness persisted, I was starting to be nervous. My wife took my BP and it was okay. That's why when I told her to call 911, at first she was adamant and she was telling me that she will just drive me to the ER of the nearest hospital instead of calling 911. But in the last posting you did in our blogsite, I read that the first hour of a heart attack is very critical so I insisted to call 911, which when my wife realized that I was really getting very scared, she called 911. Here in the US, when you call 911 - they really come within ten minutes. And in my case, 8 paramedics were in my bedroom with all the monitoring instruments to determine whether it is a heart attack I'm having or not. The results of the readings must have stated that my heart is okay and the paramedics just told me to rest and drink plenty of fluids and if I wanted to - they can bring me to the hospital by ambulance. I decided not to go because after knowing that I was not having a heart attack, I suddenly felt better. Natakot lang talaga dahil aram mo na - nagkakaedad na. That experienced have made me think though - at least dito, you don't have to spend money to get that kind of immediate response. That was my tax payments... kaya iyan ang isang bagay na nagpapahirap sa pag desisyon ng pag-uwi sa Pinas ng mga tulad kung nasanay na sa convenience of living dito. So Bert - you made the right decision. As I mentioned to you, kung ayaw mo, you can always go back there.
Regards to all.


Daet Parochial School Class 67 said...

Ingat Dan! We are no longer the same when we were in the HS. Good thinking and rapid response on the part of 911. Lots of huggggssssss ke Beth and the family….

Ed Canela

Daet Parochial School Class 67 said...

Thank God nothing serious happened. So, as Ed and John Lloyd Cruz say, "Ingat!"


Daet Parochial School Class 67 said...

Hi Danny,

Glad to know that you did not have a heart attack or a brain attack (stroke). And you did the right thing about urging to call 911. Better safe than sorry. At least now, you will be more cautious and be more healthy. Keep up the daily workout and eating healthy foods. Less of the adobo and kare-kare! I tell you, it is a challenge to shed off a few extra pounds when you are at our age.

Take care and my best to your family.


Daet Parochial School Class 67 said...

Hi Fetchie,
Thanks for the concern. Medyo natakot lang ako. But tulad ng sabi mo, better safe than sorry. Paminsan-minsan magamit naman natin ang benefit as taxpayer. You are right, I should not be afraid of doing my daily workout, as my son said, just do it the right way. Don't start workout with empty stomach and don't eat a lot after workout. Naimpatso siguro. He,He. Regards to you and thanks again.


Sor Victorina de la Providencia, Mother Superior of Daet Parochial School

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