This Made Me Laugh - Jokes, Funny Anecdotes
March 2, 2007
Posted by Toti
Si Bebeng
Registered nurse si Bebeng sa L.A. Kasama niya ang kanyang ina na nagpagamot doon. Namatay ang ina nito. Dahil sa kamahalan ng pamasahe pabalik sa Pilipinas, nagtipid si Bebeng. Pinauwi na lang niya ang kabaong ng kanyang ina na mag-isa.Pagdating ng kabaong, napansin ng mga kapamilya niya na nakadikit ang mukha ng ina sa salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento tuloy ang isang anak,"Ay, naku! Tingnan mo 'yan... hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkaysa Amerika! Nakudrado tuloy ang mukha ng inay." Upang ayusin ang itsura ng bangkay, binuksan ang kabaong. Aba! Maysulat na-nakastaple sa dibdib ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ang nilalaman ng liham na mula kay Bebeng:
Posted by Toti
Si Bebeng
Registered nurse si Bebeng sa L.A. Kasama niya ang kanyang ina na nagpagamot doon. Namatay ang ina nito. Dahil sa kamahalan ng pamasahe pabalik sa Pilipinas, nagtipid si Bebeng. Pinauwi na lang niya ang kabaong ng kanyang ina na mag-isa.Pagdating ng kabaong, napansin ng mga kapamilya niya na nakadikit ang mukha ng ina sa salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento tuloy ang isang anak,"Ay, naku! Tingnan mo 'yan... hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkaysa Amerika! Nakudrado tuloy ang mukha ng inay." Upang ayusin ang itsura ng bangkay, binuksan ang kabaong. Aba! Maysulat na-nakastaple sa dibdib ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ang nilalaman ng liham na mula kay Bebeng:
Mahal kong tatay at mga kapatid: Pasensya na kayo at hindi ko nasamahan ang nanay sa pag-uwi riyan sa Pilipinas dahil napakamahal ng pamasahe. "Ang gastos ko pa lang sa kanya ay mahigit $10,000 na. Ayoko nang isipin pa ang eksaktong halaga. Anyway, ipinadala ko kasama ni nanay ang mga sumusunod...
Nasa likod ni nanay ang dalawampu't apat na karne norte at isang dosenang spam. Ang adidas na suot ni nanay ay para kay tatay. Ang limang pares ng de-goma ay nasa loob ng dalawang asul na Jansport na backpack na inuunan ni nanay. Tig-iisa kayo. Ang iba't-ibang klase ng tsokolate at candy ay nasa puwetan ni nanay. Para sa mga bata ito. Bahala na kayong magparte-parte. Sana'y hindi natunaw. Ang pokemon stuffed toy na yapos-yapos ni nanay ay para sa bunso ni ate. Gift Ko sa first birthday ng bata. Ang itim na Esprit bag ay para kay Nene. Ate, nasa loob ng bag ang pictures ni inay, japanese version ng pokemon trading cards at stickers. "Suot ni nanay ang tatlong Ralph Lauren, apat na Gap at dalawang Old Navy t-shirts. Ang isa ay para kay Kuya at tig-iisa ang mga pamangkin ko. Maisusuot ninyo ang mga iyan sa fiesta. Suot din ni inay ang anim na panty hose at tatlong warmer para sa mga dalaga kong pamangkin. Isuot nyo sa party. May isang dosenang NBA caps sa may paanan ni nanay. Para sa inyo, itay, kuya, dikong, Tiyo Romy. Bigyan nyo na rin ng tig-isa 'yung mga pamangkin ko at 'yong isa ay kay Pareng Tulume. Ang tigdadalawang pares ng Nike wristband at knee caps na suot-suot din ni nanay ay para sa mga anak mo, diko, na nagbabasketball. Tigdadalawang ream ng Marlboro lights at Winston red ang nasa pagitan ng mga hita ni nanay. Apat na jar ng Skippy Peanut Butter, dalawang dish washing liquid, isang Kiwi glass cleaner at tig-aanim na Colgate at Aqua Fresh ang nakasiksik sa kilikili ni nanay. Hati-hati na kayo, huwag mag-aagawan. Isang dosenang Wonder bra (Victoria's Secret ata ang tatak) gustong-gusto ni Tiya Iskang society natin, suot-suot din ni nanay. Alam kong inaasam-asam nyo 'yan, tiya. Anim na lipstick lang ang kasya sa bra. Ang Rolex na bilin-bilin mo tatay, suot-suot ni nanay. Nakatakip sa Nike na wristband. Kunin mo agad, Itay. May isinisik akong zip-loc sa bunganga ni Inay na naglalaman ng $759 dollars. Hindi na ako nakatakbo sa ATM. Puede na siguro sa libing iyon. Iyong tong na makokolekta, i-time deposit niyo Kuya para pag namatay si Tatay may pambili na ng ataul. Ang hikaw, singsing at kuwintas (na may nakakabit pang anim na nail cutters) na gustong-gusto mo, ditse, ay suot- suot din ni nanay. Kunin mo na rin agad, ditse. Ibigay mo ang isang nail cutter kay Jay bakla sa kanto. Tanggalin niyo ang bulak sa ilong ng inay, may isiniksik ako 3 diyamante sa bawat butas. Ibangon niyo lang si inay at tiyak na malalaglag na ang mga iyon. Konting alog lang siguro ng ulo. Marami pa sana akong ipaglalalagay kaya lang, baka mag-excess at si nanay pa ang maiwan. Basta parte-parte kayo, tatay, kuya, ate, dikong, ditse. Para sa inyo lahat ito. Bahala na kayo kay nanay. Pamimisahan ko na lang siya rito. Balitaan ninyo na lang ako pagkatapos ng libing. Alam ni ate ang email ko. Paki-double check ang lista kung walang nawala sa mga ipinadala ko.
Nagmamahal,
Bebeng
March 14
Posted by Toti
I am married to a man who cheats on me consistently. He has so many
women that I am not even sure if the baby I am carrying is his.
A woman confronted her husband and accused him of infidelity. He
denied it strongly and said it would never happen again.
A devout Catholic mother said, "My son informs me that he is taking
Judo. Why would a boy raised in a good Christian home turn against
his own faith"?
My 40-year old son has been paying a psychiatrist P2,500 a week for
the last three years. I think he must be crazy.
"Doctor, I have an inferiority complex over my tiny penis." "Oh, don't
let a small thing like that bother you."
A policeman approached me and angrily said, "Hindi mo ba nakita yung
No Parking sign?" And I said, "Nakita ko ho, kayo ho ang hindi ko
nakita."
"I make it a point to be healthy. If I'm not in bed by 9 p.m., I go
home."
"I used to kiss my girl on the lips, but it's all over now".
"There is no difference between a politician and a sperm. Only one in
a thousand works."
"Old golfers do not die. They just lose their balls."
Sa Ateneo mahirap ang mga subjects. Sa La Salle mahirap ang parking -
Gary Lising.
This one is true according to my colleagues who graduated from the Ateneo de Manila, They had a terror Jesuit priest for teacher and he asked Gary Lising a question in class but Gary gave a wrong answer. the Jesuit asked him, "Where were you when God distributed the brains?", without batting an eyelash, Gary answered, "I was with you Father!"
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
WOMAN : You remind me of the sea.
MAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
WOMAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
Puzzle
Do you still recall our Philippine History under Mr. Rabinder Idnani? To get high grades in the exams, we had to memorize dates, places, persons, and events. Every major exam, nagpapataya pa siya. The student who gets the highest score, gets the entire ante. Si Erlinda Ferrrer yata ang madalas highest noon.
Some prepared reviewers - question and answer; fill in the blanks, etc.
Try answering this:
Question: Magellan died in ___________.
See answer at the end of this message.
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering, doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Answer to the Puzzle:
"action", (Magellan died in action). may ganun kasing nakasulat sa
libro ni Gregorio F. Zaide!
A Few More Laughs
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical(SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL:It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL:The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM:It's not working.
SL:Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.!
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM:Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened ! then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
.................................
SM:Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!
Toti
27 comments:
April 4, 2007
VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES
Company Policy: Effective April 9, 2007
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are
called, Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the
stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
April 19
From Men
ENGALOG: ENGLISH-FILIPINO DICTIONARY
Hi all! Here's to get you up to speed with our language to date--. This should come in handy for going around our patch of the earth.....
Happy weekend........
_________________________
1) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
2) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
3) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
4) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
5) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
6) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato)
16) Deposit - Ang Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; a number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang
tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...
46) Dirty Chairs - As in: "Dirty chairs, payrens and students..."
47) Enured - binigyan ng parangal
48) Difference - anak ng hari at reyna (prinsipe)
49) Differences - babaeng anak ng hari at reyna (prinsesa)
50) Bowel - kulo; pakulu-in
Apr 27
Toti,
this one's specially for you. Hope you like it. Enjoy.
Men
Pang alis ng Lumbay!
" Asawa" 1st year masaya.
After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
after 10 years tanggalin ang S"awa na lang".
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!"
Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:
Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
Wife: di puede pagod ako!
Husband: is that final?
Wife: FINAL!!!!
Husband:ok, can i phone a friend?!?
Pag Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot
Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident... and...
Adults playing inside the car can cause CHILDREN!!!!
Loveliness through the years:
1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.
MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang;
kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang.
Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.
DUCK DICTIONARY
maliit na duck- "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck -"Pandacan"
mataas na duck- "boonduck"
nagulat na duck- "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck- "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck- "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck- "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck- "ducktor"
musikero na duck- "conducktor"
ERAP
Erap went to Starbucks...
Erap: isang kape nga!
Waiter: decaf po ba?
Erap: (mad) aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!
Tumatakbo si ERAP galing computer room na sinusundan ng staff:
"Sir bakit ka tumatakbo?"
Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer 'Escape'.
Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na.
FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) Oo pare hinog na.
Erap: sige baba ka na sungkitin natin.
FVR: Erap may gift ako para sa'yo galing pa sa India! It's a 10 ft. snake.
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo naman ako eh, 10 ft? Hoy di ako ganon ka tanga! Ang snake walang FEET!
Erap delivering speech at the mental hospital.
Inmates shouting: Mabuhay si ERAP!
PSG seeing one guy not cheering: Bakit di ka sumabay sa kanila?
Guy: Di ako sira ulo. Janitor ako!
Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's 'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary, British home, German car, Chinese food, and Pinoy wife!
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,German food, American home and Pinoy salary!
Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang ang inasahan ko hindi sana mangyayari yan!
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko minsan sabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."
Letter to OFW dad:
"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next
tym wag ka na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy ang umubos."
MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!
IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
H: ang tuba-an?
W: KTV bar na!
H: and mga trickad?
W: taxi na!
H: ang dalawa kong anak?
W: LIMA na!
sweethearts watchin' da sky...
GUY: ano ang horoscope mo?
GIRL: anong huruskup?
GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!
TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?
PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?
TITSER: very good, translate it in tagalog.
PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!
MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag almusal!
SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:
1. birds of the same feathers, are the same birds
2. do not do unto others what you can't do
3. an apple a day is not an apple at night
4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone
5. if others can do it, don't help
6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine
7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy In the afternoon
8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay may naglalaba
dear men,
napindot ko agad yong send, when i haven't written any reply yet.
dami mong baong pinoy jokes! pinay ka pa rin nga.
thanks a lot!
toti
Dear Toti,
Tunay na 100% pinay and very proud of it. Thank you. Hope nabawasan ang lumbay mo. hehehe
Men
Apr 28
Men
Somebody sent me this. This is specially for you. Toti, puwede ka na rin makibasa.
Rudy
WEAKEST LINK PINOY STYLE|||
EDU: What "N"(narra) is the Nat'l tree of the Phils?
Contestant: niyog?
EDU: Mas matigas pa diyan
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
************ ********
EDU: What "M" is the national bird (Maya) of the Philippines?
Contestant: Manok?
EDU: Brown ang kulay niya.
Contestatn: Lechon Manok!!!
************ ********
EDU: Anong "K" ang national animal (Kalabaw)ng Philippines?
Contestant: Kuto?
EDU: Mali! Nagbubungkal ito ng lupa...
Contestant: Kutong Lupa!!!
************ ********
EDU: Sino ang "Action King" ng Philippine movies? Ang initial niya ay F.P.
Contestant: Fops Pernandez??
EDU: May "Jr." ito sa huli.
Contestant: Fop Pernandez, Jr.???
************ ********
EDU: Saang "B" (bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: sa Back?
EDU: O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (luneta)
Contestant: Likod?
EDU: hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name niya (Rizal park)
Contestant: Rear Part? (susme!likod pa rin yun!!)
************ *****
EDU: Saang "B" (beach) tayo Madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
EDU: Hinde,pag pumunta ka dun, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
EDU: Hinde, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng Naka-bikini.
Contestant: BEERHOUSE!
********
EDU: Anong "L" (Lifeguard)ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
EDU: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong ito
Contestant : Safeguard?
EDU: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Buoy?
EDU: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Si MR. CLEAN!
************ ***
EDU: Anong "S" (salbabida) ang ginagamit na Floatation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
EDU: Hinde! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
EDU: Hindi ito Lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?
************ **
EDU: What "S" (sampaguita) is the nat'l flower of the Phils?
C: Sunflower?
EDU: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
C: Stork?
EDU: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
C: Sitsarong bulaklak?
EDU: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A"
C: Sitsarong bulaklak na may sukA?
EDU: O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Ano ang pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A" at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?!
C: si..Sharon CunetA!
************ ****
EDU: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster of Asia? (EUGENE TORRE)
C: Carole KING?
EDU: hindi, mas mababa sa king
C: Al QUINN?
EDU: hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
C: armida siguion-REYNA?
EDU: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
C: BISHOP bacani?
EDU: mas mababa sa bishop.
C: Johnny midNIGHT?
EDU: mas mababa sa Knight
C: Jerry PONS?
EDU: O ayan ha, nabanggit mo na lahat ng Piyesa sa Chess. Yung
kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
C: Sylvia laTORRE!
************ *******
The best part po ito!)
EDU: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500peso bill? Clue: may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: N-ora A-unor?
EDU: Hindi.Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: guY A-unor?
EDU: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador. Contestant:Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
EDU: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO?!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!
At dito po nagtatapos mga kaibigan ang weakest link pinoy style,
dahil nag-amok na ang host sa kunsumisyon! Hehehehe
May 2
From toti
Lawyer Jokes
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
__________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
May 4
Leo (The Aviator),
Thank you for thinking about me and Toti. That was very funny, even my husband and daughter liked it. We were laughing as I was reading it loud, of course with expressions pa. Thank you Hahaha!
Men
May 4
Toti,
Very funny! Hahaha. I'll make sure my clients and I don't make the same mistakes. Nakakahiya.
Men
HAHAHA, - tess
May 6
From Toti
eto pa mga kakurnihan. hindi bale, malayo naman kayo, hindi niyo ako pwedeng batuhin.
GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako!
BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah!
GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako!
BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko!
********************************
Bungal: Apply po ako ng sundalo, sir.
Officer: Hindi ka pwede, ang dami mong sirang ngipin, bungi ka pa!
Bungal: Bakit sir, sa gyera ba ngayon, kagatan na ang labanan?
********************************
Pedro: Saan ka galing, p're?
Berto: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Pedro: Bakit puro kalmot ang mukha at braso mo?
Berto: Mahirap ilibing eh, lumalaban!
********************************
Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? Wala na kasing medium! Napansin mo, fit masyado, di ba?
********************************
Mother superior: Hala, layas dito sa kumbento!
Madre: Bakit po? Dahil po ba sa paggamit ko ng vibrator?
Mother superior: Hindi, ayoko lang may nakikiaalam sa gamit ko!
********************************
Nanay: Hala, sige, layas! Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay! Simula
ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
Anak: Sige dude, alis na ako.
********************************
Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!
********************************
Ice cream ba talaga yung inendorse in Pacquiao sa TV ad nya na Nestle Ice Cream? Akala ko kasi, softdrinks. Kasi, sabi nya, "Oh mga bata, Mirinda na!"
********************************
A priest at a church.
Lady: Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman! Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
Priest: Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako! Bruha!
********************************
Pedro: Alam mo, yung pusa namin, kahit nakalagay sa lamesa at walang takip ang ulam namin, hindi kinakain!
Juan: Maniwala ako?!
Pedro: Totoo!
Juan: Ano ba ang ulam nyo?
Pedro: Asin!
********************************
Nurse: Miss, gising na!
Patient: Ah, bakit?
Nurse: Oras na ng pag-inom ng gamot.
Patient: Anong gamot?
Nurse: Sleeping pills.
********************************
Boy Guwapo + Girl Ganda = Perfect Couple.
Boy Guwapo + Girl Panget = True Love.
Boy Panget + Girl Ganda = Galing Diskarte.
Boy Panget + Girl Panget = SUKOB!
********************************
Ama: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Anak: Pumasa po kasi ako sa test. Huhuhu!
Ama: Aba , magaling! Anong subject yun, anak?
Anak: Pregnancy test po itay!
********************************
Erap at Starbucks.
Erap: Waiter, isang kape nga!
Waiter: Sir, decaf ho ba?
Erap: Syempre! Bobo! Lahat ng kape, de cup!
Bakit, may nakaplato ba?!
********************************
Sa prusisyon.
Pari: Ang mga boys, sunod sa karo ni San Jose, mga girls, sa karo ni Mama
Mary. Bakla: Kami father, saan kami susunod?
Pari: Mga bruha! Follow me!
********************************
Pedro: Ang tapang talaga ni Paeng! Biro mo, tumalon sa eroplano nang walang parachute!
Leo: Ohh, totoo? Saan mo naman nabalitaan yan?
Pedro: Dun sa burol nya!
********************************
Anak: Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
Inay: Bakit naman?
Anak: Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
Nanay: Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at magpo at opo?
Anak: Natural! Tanga ka ba?
********************************
Use "Bampira" in a sentence! Ahmm, Dodong. Pautang naman, meron ka bampira?!
********************************
TUKMOL: Sino sa inyo ang matapang? Lumabas!
SIGA: Ako, matapang ako, bakit may problema ka?
TUKMOL: Wala po, survey lang ho. Ngayon, yung duwag naman ang lumabas!
********************************
Boy1: Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
Boy2: Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
Boy1: Last year pa yon! Tarantado!
Boy2: Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!
********************************
May kwento ako tungkol sa lovelife ng ampalaya. Huwag na lang! Masyadong mapait!
********************************
Grabe! Biruin mo, 150,000 pesos daw, hot oil lang! 150,000 pesos ang rebonding! Sobra naman yang David's Salon na yan! - Rapunzel.
********************************
Hindi makapagtimpla ng juice si Inday. Tahimik lang syang nakatitig sa bote ng juice. Dahil nakasulat: Concentrate.
Hahaha! Ok lang kung kurni basta nakakatawa (nakakaalis din daw ng kunsumi at nakakabawas ng wrinkles Hehehe). very funny. take care
Men
Hi Toti!
Ha.ha.ha. ha....how funny. Well, at least now I can laugh without any interuption. Not like when we were in the car of Tess. Lagi mo kaming binibitin. For your information dear classmates, si Toti po has the habit of continuously laughing for 2 minutes before he starts his joke/ story.
Toti, don't forget my CD ha.
Regards and safe trip to Bicol.
Alot
yes, alot, that's a skill i have yet to learn. Hindi ako marunong
magbato ng joke. nauuna akong tumawa ng tumawa bago ko mabitawan
iyong joke.
toti
may 10
from bert
coffee break (pero pwede rin mag soft-drinks!)
-):-):-) TAWA MUNA KAYO...KAHIT KUNTI LANG!!! :-):-):-)
Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No lang po
Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
Bush: Lets help one another.
Erap: Tayo'y magtulungan.
Bush: Let's strive together.
Erap: Tayo'y magsikap.
Bush: Because in union there is strength.
Erap: Dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!
"There what it takes to be.
Then we shall so be it because it is.
To do or not to is in the what,
now or what else.
Without which there never to you!"
- Words of wisdom from Senator Lito Lapid
TEBAN: Pare sinong idol mo?
GOLIATH: Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
TEBAN: Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
GOLIATH: Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.
A variation of the above:
Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)
Arnold Clavio
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako makasuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ...
(pag hindi ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!!!!!)
Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin!!! Bastos ka!! walang modo!!
Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!
(nyahahahaha!)
tapos na po..
$$$$$$$$
May 10
Ha-ha-ha! Funny, funny and funny! Even that joke on "nasusuka". Gross yet really funny.
Thanks for making my night ( rather my day) lighter.
Fechie
may 12
From Toti
MGA BAGONG SALAWIKAIN NG MGA PILIPINO
(updated version)
Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard!
Better late than pregnant.
Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
It's better to cheat than to repeat!
Do unto others ... then run!!!
Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
When all else fails, follow instructions.
Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
To err is human, to errs is humans.
Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit
Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
Birds of the same feather that prays together ... stays together.
Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may
stiff neck.
Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
Better late than later.
The more, the many.
Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
No man is an island because time is gold.
Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
Kapag ang puno mabunga . mataba ang lupa!
When it rains ... it floods.
Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
If you can't beat them, shoot them. (Nalundasan)
An apple a day is too expensive.
An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)
From Toti
Here are jokes related to doctors, nurses, and patients - counterpart of the trial attorney jokes.
*Medical Terminology* *
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. * *
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (while recuperating from her operation, did marynat experience this?)
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.*
5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.*
*6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.*
*7. The patient refused autopsy.*
*8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.*
*9. She is numb from her toes down.*
*10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.*
*11. The skin was moist and dry.*
*12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.*
*13. Patient was alert and unresponsive. *
*14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.*
*15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.*
*
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.*
*17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.*
*18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.*
*19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. *
*********
Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Nandoon ang Radiology Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan at Radiotherapy.
Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga pinoy medical terms. May mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong, ang madalas magtanong ng direksyon.
**Mga Versions ng CT Scan:**
1. "Dok saan po ba ang Siete Scan?"
2. "Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull"
3. "Doc saan po ba CT Scalp"
4. "Doc saan po ang CT Scam?"**************
Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room.**
"Doc saan po ba ang Cobal" Yes, laging walang T. Marami ang gumagamit sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang "T". Marami din kasing nagtatanong, "Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?"
Conclusion: Ang "T" ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.
**************
*7:00 am. Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa bantay ng pasyente, "Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at magpa-schedule kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo." 3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay. Nagalit na ang Doktor, "Mister, bakit namang napakatagal ninyong bumalik? Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray ah." Sumagot ang bantay, "Eh kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong naghintay sa gate, hanggang sabihin ng guwardiya na sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon." (Nasa Roxas Blvd ang Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)! *****************
Nang mag-rotate ako as intern sa Pediatrics ng PGH, mahal na mahal talaga ng mga nanay ang kanilang mga anak na may sakit. Pilit nilang tinatandaan ang mga gamot at tawag sa sakit ng kanilang anak. **
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ang mga gamot na iniinom ng anak niyo?"
Mrs 1 : "Doc phenobarbiedoll po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po phenobarbital. " (Gamot sa convulsion ang phenobarbital) **************
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang antibiotic na iniinom ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs 2: "Doc metromanilazole po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po metronidazole. " (Gamot sa amoeba ang metronidazole) *****************
Ang tawag sa recovery room ng PGH ay PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit) **
Doktor: "Mrs., tapos na po ang operasyong ng anak ninyo, punta na Po kayo sa PACU.
Mrs 3: "Eh Doc, saan po sa Paco? Sa may simbahan po ba o sa may palengke?*
************
Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang sinabi ng dating doktor kung ano daw ang sakit ng inyong anak?"
Mrs 4: "Eh Doc sabi po niya Tragedy of Fallot.
Doktor: "Ah baka po Tetralogy of Fallot (Isang Congenital Heart Disease ang Tetralogy of Fallot) *****************
*Biglang nagtatarang ang isang nanay at sumigaw.
Mrs: "Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!"
Doktor: "Nurse, diazepam please, nag-seizure ang pasyente!" *****************
Doktor: "Mrs. ano daw po ba ang sakit ng anak ninyo?"
Mrs. 6 : May ketong daw po.
In-examine ng doktor ang balat ng pasyente. Wala siyang makitang senyales ng ketong. Tumawag pa siya ng isang Dermatologist para mag-examine nang husto.
Wala talaga.
Doktor: "Mrs. sigurado po ba kayong ketong ang Sakit ng bata?"
Mrs : "Eh iyon po ang sabi ng doktor niya dati. Mataas daw po ang ketong sa ihi dahil may diabetes."
Doktor: "Ah ketone po yon! (Ang positive ketone sa Ihi ay senyales ng kumplikasyon ng diabetes.) *******************
*Doktor: (Sa buntis na mrs. na nagle-labor) "Mrs.pumutok na po ba ang panubigan mo?"*
*Mrs:"Eh Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog." (Hanep!) *
PAHABOL, still on the doctors, nurses, patients jokes:
Hi Guys,
Ed sent this to me last October 2006 and liked it so much and want to share with you. Enjoy!
Ingat, Men
Subject: FW: Mysterious Death at Makati Medical Intensive Care Unit
Mysterious Death at Makati Medical Intensive Care Unit
There was a room in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday mornings at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and many even believed that it had something to do with the supernatural.
Jaime Licauco, Fr. Bulatao and the Ateneo paranormal folks were called. They arrived one Sunday, armed with special photographic equipment, infra-red devices and motion-sensitive radar to detect any presence.
That Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., numerous doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to discover more about the mysterious phenomenon. Some were even holding wooden crosses, strings of garlic, amulets, and other holy objects to ward off evil spirits.
The clock struck 11.......
and then.......
Mang Andoy, part-time Sunday janitor, entered the ward,unplugged the life support system and plugged in the vacuum cleaner.
>
>
' Have a wonderful day...:)
May 25, 2007
Posted by Toti
We've had lawyers' jokes, doctors' and nurses' jokes, now let's read this one. I say "ouch", though not quite, since i'm not into the big time. I found this while looking for something new to share today, and I really had a good laugh. This is just for fun, Ed!
Counting Cattle Joke
A Wyoming cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Soon he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant for the GOVERNMENT." says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know didley about cows...Now give me back my dog."
This joke is dedicated to Fr. Efren. Forgive me, father.
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R", we missed the "R". His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was CELEBRATE!"
Here's something for the ladies (sabay ilag):
My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
tramadol online order tramadol online pharmacy - how to purchase tramadol'
tramadol online how to purchase tramadol - tramadol for getting high
balenciaga sneakers
nike air max
supreme
golden goose
curry shoes
yeezy boost 350
golden goose sale
fila
goyard wallet
nike air vapormax
longchamp
supreme hoodie
louboutin shoes
kd 11
supreme hoodie
longchamp handbags
jordan shoes
supreme clothing
nike vapormax
yeezy boost 350
bapesta shoes
bapesta shoes
goyard bag
nike off white
hermes handbags outlet
jordan shoes
golden goose sneakers women
goyard bags
bapesta
chrome hearts
Post a Comment