Google
 

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Short Management Lessons

I'm sure many of you have come across these management lessons. Funny, hilarious but true. So here, they are again.

----------------------------------------------------------

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

--------------------------------------------------

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her habit to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story : Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the 3-minute management course.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

What's up friends, how is everything, and what you desire to say about this post, in my view its truly awesome for me.

Also visit my weblog: Bench Craft Company advertising laws united states

Anonymous said...

It's a shame you don't have a donate button! I'd certainly donate to this fantastic blog! I guess for now i'll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google
account. I look forward to brand new updates and will talk about
this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

Look into my homepage ... washer and dryer appliance repair Clearwater FL

Anonymous said...

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about
this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to
drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is excellent blog.
A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.

Also visit my weblog; interest rates refinance

Anonymous said...

Good day! I could have sworn I've been to this blog before but after looking at a few of the posts I realized it's new to me.
Anyhow, I'm certainly happy I found it and I'll be bookmarking it and checking back often!


Also visit my blog post - income tax problems

Anonymous said...

It's in fact very difficult in this active life to listen news on TV, therefore I just use world wide web for that reason, and get the newest news.

Feel free to surf to my web-site property refinance

Anonymous said...

I am sure this article has touched all the internet
users, its really really pleasant post on building up new blog.


Also visit my blog post ... data integration tool

Anonymous said...

Yes! Finally someone writes about dryer repair.


Also visit my website; Appliance Repair Wesley Chapel

Sor Victorina de la Providencia, Mother Superior of Daet Parochial School

HS Solo Graduation Pictures

DPS Class67 HS Graduates, 40 Years After

This Day in History

Today's Birthday