Glorietta Bombing

Classmates, this is a letter which has been circulating in the web, written by Carlo Cruz, husband of one of the Victims

Let's all pray for Leslie, Carlo's wife.

The email from Pia Hontiveros-Pagkalinawan:
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The Discovery Weekend family lost one of its own in the Glorietta Mall
blast.

Leslie Cruz was waiting to be fetched by her husband, Carlo, in the lobby of Glorietta 2 when the bomb exploded. Carlo and Leslie had so
generously volunteered their time in the DW.

A few minutes ago, I spoke to a very distraught and inconsolable Carlo
on the phone. He asked for prayers for Leslie. He agonized if she had
been in pain. He was holding their two year old Amber in his arms,
trying so hard to explain that her mommy is gone. He sobbed that he
did not know how he would get through. But what was most heartbreaking
was this: he said that this was not in their plans, because they were
supposed to grow old together.

Please pause for a minute to remember Leslie's beautiful life. Please
say a loving prayer for her beloved Carlo and Amber. Lift them all up
to the One who loves us all. Please also spare some time to visit
Leslie. Carlo says the wake might be at Mount Carmel.

And please remember to always be loving to your own spouse. Remember
always how lucky you are that you will grow old together.
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The email from Carlo Cruz:
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Good day everyone,

I wish I were writing under different circumstances.

I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz
was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall
bombing in Makati City, Philippines. She was supposed
to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical
Center at 230pm.

I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there.
We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents
place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then
proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she
had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she
wanted to move around and listen to some music while I
grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of
Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2
entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she
turned right towards Filbar's while I went left
towards the restaurants. That was the last time I
would see her.

Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at
the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her
appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1
through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn
the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave
from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped
as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the
same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried
getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too
much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.

I still tried to convince myself that she was able to
make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without
a response only meant that she dropped it in the
confusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med.
to Ospital ng Makati, the blast site, and back again
to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get
hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what
the state of my wife was.

My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My
Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's
appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the
eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead
of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then
brought me to a small examination room. It was only
through a digital camera that I was able to confirm
(and deny) that she was indeed gone.

I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner.
I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should
have not chose to park where I did. I should have
braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should
have ...

Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to
breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source
of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside you
on your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber
starts asking for her Mama.

I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the
loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the
details of how her mother died, but more importantly I
would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a
loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and
nurturing. She has always cared for her family and
friends, and sacrfied her career for being a full time
mom and home maker.

As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of
which I regret not going through. The sweet is never
as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of
marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only
to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets
about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond
her capacity. I will always love her.

It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked
and watched emails being sent to and fro. All I want
now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish
each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty
simple to say, very easy to take for granted.

Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to
ask you to please include Leslie in them until her
40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit
and she is no longer in the dark.

Sincerely,

Carlo Cruz

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MALE MID-LIFE CRISIS

DPS CLASS 67: THOUGHT PROVOKING, CONTROVERSIAL, DUH, DEADMA
Part 2

Ever since Erik Erikson coined the term "midlife crisis" more than 30 years ago, male melancholy around halftime has been poked and prodded six ways to whaddya say. Theories abound. At the bio-extreme is the idea that the midway heebie-jeebies are hardwired, a hormonal analogue to female menopause. The skeptics believe that the 40s funk is just a self-fulfilling prophecy for self-indulgent guys.

The idea of a midlife crisis offends a man's up-and-at-'em American aesthetic. And given all the therapeutic silliness that gets sold as midlife fixes, it's tempting to dis the male willies as psycho-bunk. Bad idea. Male midlife crisis is a time-honored trough, described by Dante and Shakespeare and endured by citizens no less manly than Ulysses S. Grant, who only saved the republic before his swoon, and the astronaut Buzz Aldrin, who got a mite moody after his meander on the moon.


"There are multiple paths through midlife crisis," says Jacquelyn James, Ph.D., associate director of the Murray Research Center at Radcliffe College. Each man's journey is unique, shaped by his history and his hopes, his relationships, his blood pressure, and the angle of his dangle. To be sure, the intensity of the midlife passage varies greatly.

For some men, it's a dark ordeal that includes depression and is best navigated with a doctor's help. For most, it's a less perilous, but still demanding, midcourse correction. But whether the midlife transit is traumatic or just tricky, self-medication with bourbon is a bad plan, and nobody is served by pretending we're too tough to have troubles.

Our goal is to come through middle life as better men. Sure, we'll be a tick less quick off the dribble, and yes, we'll need to rely on guile once in a while. But we'll also be wiser, calmer, stronger of spirit, and even more attractive to women of all ages. There are no perfect routes to your best older self. But we asked experts and some men we admire for guiding thoughts to ease the transit.

What The Hell Is A Midlife Crisis?

Justice Stewart's wisdom about pornography applies to midlife, too: tough to define, but you know it when you're in it. Men in the muddle often use words such as "aimless," "confused," "lost." Previously surefooted guys come to question things in which they once believed -- marriage, work, friendships. Some men report losing their vitality, their joy in things they used to savor. In the book Flyfishing through the Midlife Crisis, the New York Times executive editor Howell Raines describes this feeling as "disappointment and restlessness that tiptoe in on little cat feet."

Here's a symptom sampler: insomnia, fatigue, despair, morbidity, inability to concentrate, ruefulness about roads not taken, dread that life holds no more surprises, regrets, sharp longing for something (a gunmetal Porsche, a cigarette boat) or someone (the FedEx woman, Gina, whose smile is a promise of overnight delivery). Men in crisis often obsess about big questions, as in, "Does my life matter?"

"Many men start to think in terms of how little time they have left," says James. In severe cases, men fantasize about just lighting out, shucking off their old lives and starting over in the South Pacific or the Sawtooth Range. At 36, the world's our oyster, but by 44, we're trapped inside the oyster, gasping for air.

The midlife stew often starts with some garden-variety boredom. If you've been hoeing the same row for 20 years, only an idiot wouldn't wonder if there aren't some more interesting rows somewhere else. On top of tedium, we often get our first bolt of serious bad news: the death of a parent, trouble in a marriage, a career setback, the transformation of the 8-year-old who thought you were God into the adolescent who thinks you're the devil. Crushing chest pain and the word "biopsy" can set a fellow to thinking about what he's done with this life.

Often, come our 40s, some undeniable facts start eroding the dubious pillars on which we've built our notion of a man.

Beloved male Myth #1: Real men are strong and studly.
New Midlife Fact: We're sorta strong and sorta studly.

Make no mistake, guys in their 40s can still take the ball to the hole. (Note: Midlife passage may even be easier if you're fit.) But still, the machine is showing some mileage. Your time for the 100 meters is now closer to 20 seconds than to 10. Old Faithful is a tad less rigid and less quick to reenlist. Some gray hair and wrinkles are whispers of mortality, signs that we've started down the mountain's far side.

Beloved Male Myth #2: Real men are successful.
New Midlife Fact: Some men are more successful than others.

"At midlife, many men come face-to-face with the aspiration-achievement gap," says Orville G. Brim, Ph.D., director of the MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Midlife Development, in Vero Beach, Florida. It slowly dawns on us that we'll never solemnly swear to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, write that rock-opera sequel to Tommy, or maybe be a father. Our big boyhood dreams have been precious, and it's easy to feel like a failure once it's clear they're dead. But even if you've realized your ambitions, another myth is often tattered at midlife.

Beloved Male Myth #3: Professional success will make you happy.
New Midlife Fact: Don't bet on it.

Even lots of alpha guys who've won the work game start to see it as one very stupid game. They've reached the Promised Land, but the milk tastes funny and there ain't no honey. "Suddenly, it's as though the rules you've played by have been declared invalid," says Kathleen Pajer, M.D., of the University of Pittsburgh department of psychiatry. "It sets a crisis in motion because your long-held beliefs are clashing with the reality of your feelings."

This isn't easy. "Any man who attempts a radical critique of his life at 40 will be up against parts of himself that have a strong investment in the present structure," says Daniel J. Levinson, author of The Seasons of a Man's Life. If you're this close to finally making partner and shaking the money tree, it takes courage to admit that you hate the law, that it's draining the life from you. Still, it's got to be done. We have to refuel somehow, to reimagine our lives for the second half.

The secret is to become a self-seeker. Though the psycho-brains differ on details, there's general agreement that we have to move toward authenticity, toward an expression of our uniqueness. "We must attempt to sculpt our identity," says Dr. Pajer, "and find our unique place in the world." Carl Jung, the Swiss sultan of psyche, called the process individuation, or the coming to self.

Here's the quickie version of Jung's model. In youth, we assemble a persona, a public face that helps us get along, cope with junior high, trick women into bed and the boss into giving raises. Behind this mask, we suppress all our neuroses, dreads, and the stuff that's too dark, artistic, or just plain odd for polite company.

As long as things go well, this works. But once the persona starts screwing up (e.g., lets us get fired or divorced), all those stifled secrets, once willing to shut up, start shouting up from the basement. To move from young man to Mr. Maturity, we've got to (1) hear those till-now smothered voices, and (2) do at least some of what they tell us to. The trick, by Jung, is to divest the self of the false wrappings of the persona. Time to set the self free.

Warning! Do not start celebrating your eccentricities. Footwear in public remains a requirement. And although yipping like a dachshund may help you vent, it often leads to exit interviews. Setting free the self just means starting to flex some of the muscles that are uniquely ours, kicking at least a few of the conformities that funnel us toward sameness and so subdue our spirits.

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People Principles

from the book, Winning with People by John C. Maxwell

Lens Principle
Who we are determines how we see others. Our perception of others depends more on our attitude than it does their characteristics. If we are positive, we see them as positive.

Pain Principle
Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them. Our negative experiences and emotional baggage color our perception of others’ actions. Normal interactions can cause us pain even when another person did nothing to inflict pain.

Elevator Principle
We can lift people up or take them down in our relationships. People possess a mind set of either lifting of limiting others.

Learning Principle
Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something. People in possession of a teachable attitude can learn from everyone they meet. On the contrary, someone who assumes others have nothing to offer will walk away from relationships empty-handed.



What do Ed Canela and Manny Pangilinan have in common? (Who is Manny Pangilinan? He is a very successful manager. He is now the PLDT and SMART Chairman and CEO.)


I read an article in The Philippine Star about his speech during the graduation ceremonies (where he was also conferred an honorary degree) at the Xavier University in Cagayan de Oro City. Among the simple steps to right living that he mentioned was:

"Hug and kiss whoever helped get you – financially, emotionally, intellectually, morally – to this day. Don’t let the sun go down today without saying thank you to someone, and without admitting to yourself that absolutely no one gets this far, alone." (O di ba, pareho silang may hug and kiss!)

There's also another advice probably intented for our foreign-based classmates:

"Stay in the Philippines. I was born here and I will die here. It’s true that I spent some years of my life abroad, but I have returned to give a part of my life back to this country, and the place to start giving back is the place where you are right now. – But if you decide to depart our sunny shores for greener pastures abroad, may there always be a part of you that will remain enduringly Filipino. And may you perennially possess that durable sense of longing to come home one day."

May tama ba?

Itong susunod, hindi na galing kay Manny Pangilinan.

“It’s not how hard you can hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” (aray!) - Rocky Balboa to his dispirited yuppie son, Rocky Jr.

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